In This Life [Roxas]

[roxas]

As Roxas listened to Kairi's words, meant to be reassuring to him, telling him that it didn't matter what everyone else thought of him - he just needed to be who he wanted to be, not who everyone else wanted, or worse yet expected, him to be, the Nobody found himself unable to look at the girl at his side. He knew that she was trying to make him feel better, reassure him that he did not have to be Sora, that he could be his own person despite the fact that he was a Nobody, near the bottom of the twisted Organization, feeling like nothing more than a puppet for them most days despite what perhaps he may want to do with himself...

But that rose the all important question. What DID he want to do? What did he want at all? Who did he want to be? His own person, yes, he knew that much - but just who was Roxas? What kind of a boy was he, what did he like, what did he want to get from life? Those were all questions that despite how hard XIII tried, he had a hard time coming up with a definitive answer for. Every time he thought that he found something that he really wanted to have, or really wanted to do, all he ended up doing was second-guessing his decision, weighing the options either way, and in the end, he rarely did anything besides what he was told to do. Yes, there were exceptions, short times whenever the world finally seemed to be black and white before him, but most days, all Roxas saw was a lot of grey...

...and this current situation was no different. He could feel Kairi beside him despite the thickness of his Organization cloak, and the skin beneath it where she was leaning against him was growing warm both from the heat of her body's prolonged touch there, and because something about it seemed comfortable to him. So did that mean that he WANTED this? Well, he thought that he did, whatever 'this' was, but again he found himself second-guessing that. What about Xion? Her face flashed across his mind's eye for a moment, followed quickly by Namine, and then finally even Sora. Both of his hands slowly formed into fists subconsciously as he felt his thoughts within him battle one another, and he tried desperately to just pin one down, decide on one feeling, and to find himself able to assuredly nod at what Kairi said, pretending it really was as simple as that...but he just could not force his mind to follow that whim.

"I don't think I've ever known what I wanted," Roxas' words were low in volume, but had a distinct edge to them as the anger that was welling within him caused by the frustration to not do what he thought should be so simple, something he assumed would come simply to anyone normal. "I just take what I'm given - its all I've ever really done." After the words left his mouth, he regretted the edge they had to them a bit, though, hoping that Kairi didn't think that it was directed to much at her, but was rather at the situation in a whole. However, he said nothing to fix it - he had meant what he said, and the emotion behind it was as real as it could get for him. Second-guessing that seemed wrong, and right now, he didn't want to come up with another half-witted lie just to make everyone happy.

Roxas realized that his hands had formed into fists only when he began to feel the bite of his fingernails even through his gloves into the palms of his hands, and he quickly relaxed them, one hand going back to gently resting on Kairi as he buried the other in the sand beside him. When he removed that hand, he had a fistful of sand that he slowly sifted through his fingers, eager to have anything else for his gaze and his mind to focus on. Kairi's voice sounded so calming in response to his statement about the ocean, and it calmed Roxas back down to a degree again. She seemed so comfortable against him, her head on his shoulder, just like Xion did on occasion...did he feel the same way now as he did with the raven-haired girl? It was something similar, but perhaps not completely the same...yet again, something familiar, and yet something entirely different at the same time. It seemed to be the theme of this entire encounter.

Finally Roxas leaned his head back on Kairi's once more, tentatively at first, and then more comfortably. For a little while, he enjoyed the silence that had become comfortable between them once more as he did just what they had been discussing - he happily watched the ocean, finally feeling content, and trying to ignore his earlier thoughts...but they always seemed to come back, plaguing his mind no matter how much he tried to shield it, tried to hide from them...they always managed to find him. A frown began to form on his face, and he simply dropped the remaining bit of sand from his hand that he had still been absently, slowly sifting, though he had no longer been watching it.

"Kairi, do you think...that I'm a bad person?"

Roxas wasn't even certain himself where the question had come from, nor what sort of meaning that he meant to put behind it. A bad person because he was part of the Organization? Simply bad at being the human he seemed to pretend to be quite often? Bad because of their current situation? Maybe it was none of that, or maybe it was all of that, all of it at once, Roxas wasn't certain what, but the words had spilled from his mouth without much thought. After they had escaped, though, there was no taking them back, and he shifted a bit uncomfortably, pulling away from the auburn-haired girl slightly as he hugged his knees a bit closer to his chest, his chin now back to resting on his knees rather than on her head, his gaze lost somewhere in the ocean.

[kairi]

His inner turmoil was so easy to sense.

Maybe he did not know what he wanted. Who ever really did? Kairi had thought she knew what she wanted out of her life, but everything was beginning to float from her reach. Her friends, her family, and the ones she needed the most. When was the last time she had seen Sora or Riku? When had they tried to find her? Kairi knew it was partly her fault, since she did not want to be found, but how hard was is it to look for her? Always that edge of despair the Princess had tried so hard to keep away, but Kairi nearly felt it overwhelming her. Loneliness, darkness, her own nightmares staring at her like the maw of an abyss. Tumbling down, until she had nothing left but herself, and Kairi hated to be alone. Was she really as strong as everyone thought? It hurt so much, but the answer was always there. Lingering and taunting her already fragile state of mind.

No, she was not.

Biting her bottom lip, she could almost feel the sting of tears bite at her eyes. What did she want? Oceanic orbs flickered to Roxas, wishing he could give her an answer. Wishing anyone could give her an answer. All she had thought she wanted was slipping away, and Kairi was left behind once more. Burning anger choked her for a moment, but she managed to hide it. As always, Kairi hated to let everyone else worry, when she was being so selfish. These darker emotions, why did she feel them? The Princess hardly felt like a Princess of Heart, so pure and at peace with the world. Bitter, angry, and sorrowful emotions filled her to the core, and she wondered if she was tainting her own light. It hurt, and she just wanted to become numb, to not even feel these emotions anymore. Drowning in her sorrow, choking on her fear. Succumbing to despairing thoughts she should not even have.

"I've wanted so much, but I don't know anymore. Everything is slipping away, and I feel like I'm drowning," she whispered. Never had she really admitted her own inner doubts and turmoils. Kairi did not feel lighter, though, all she felt was alone and cold. His anger did not faze her, as she felt the same frustration and anger. Always wanting what she could not have, and it was all taken away from her. Everything. Staring out into the quiet ocean, she felt some of those tears fall down her cheeks. She felt his clenched fists, and she could not help but curl her own fingers into loose fists. Sit around and cry--was that all she did? Kairi felt bitterness fill her up once more, those dark emotions coming more and more as the days went. The Princess wanted that calm bliss she had felt before with Roxas was near, but not all she had was despair.

Selfish.

Kairi was so selfish. She wondered if Roxas was as confused as she was. This whole situation, these entire emotions that should not be between them. It was, though, and she could not regret what she felt. Whether it was real or not, at least some was hers in this moment. Nothing could take it away, and she loved the thought of it. Kairi had something she wanted, and it was enough for now. His hand resting lightly against her waist, she could feel her own raging emotions begin to calm. Numb, how she longed to be numb for at least a little while. She tried to just let her thoughts float away from her, with Roxas resting his head atop of hers, she could pretend nothing had happened. That she was drowning, that she was hurting so very much. That each breath she took, it felt as if her heart was all the more.

Startled by his question, Kairi looked to Roxas. Despite her own feelings, she wanted to help Roxas feel better. To not view himself so poorly. As he pulled away from her, she wanted to cry out at the loss. 'Please, please don't leave me alone!' Her heart beat quickly within her chest, and those same tears flooded her eyes once more. He was not a bad person. If anything, maybe she was. Kairi leaned back from him, and she wanted to smile and reassure him, but would they only be pretty lies? To mask the darkness of the real world, and to make everything seem as if it would turn out for the best in the end. With a sad smile adorning her lips, she slowly stood, moving to rest behind Roxas. "I don't think you're a bad person, Roxas. We all do the wrong thing for the right reasons, and it's how we act behind those decisions that make us who we are. Maybe you're back within the Organization, but that doesn't define you."

Without thought, Kairi leaned forward, her arms sliding over his shoulders as she embraced him. Her head rested lightly on his shoulder, that same sweet, melancholy smile on her lips. "We all make mistakes, and sometimes we don't know what we want, or understand what we feel. It's alright, though, because as long as we have someone with us, we can share those emotions together." Maybe what she was saying was merely a pretty lie, but it felt real to her.

This felt real to her.

[roxas]

She had come back to him. To him. Roxas. No one less.

For a moment, the blonde's body had frozen when Kairi wrapped her arms around his neck in a soft embrace, her head returning to his shoulder even though they were now standing. He had pulled away from her because he had assumed it was the right thing to do, after asking such a ridiculous question, making the situation nearly awkward due to his lack of self-control...and yet, she had come instantly back to him. It had to mean something, though what, XIII was still uncertain, and unwilling to consider, lest it lead him to consequences he did not want to have to deal with on top of everything else. Living in the moment - wasn't that what the two of them had been doing all this time?

After a few short seconds, Roxas regained control of his limbs once more, and he relaxed a bit, before slowly bringing his arms up to hold Kairi against him - first gently, then much more firmly. The tide was beginning to wash further up the beach as it began to rise with the day sinking towards evening quickly, and the water was starting to reach the point where the two were standing, splashing a bit onto their shoes, but Roxas didn't care. He was not about to move, not willing to lose this moment for anything. He raised one of his hands to softly run his fingers through the girl's auburn hair, wishing that he did not have gloves on - that cursed black uniform. And yet, it was the one that he seemed destined to wear.

Finally, Roxas focused on what Kairi had actually been saying to him, answering his question - doing the wrong things for the right reasons. Was that what he was doing with the Organization? With every heartless that his keyblade cut through, he was helping them to rebuilt Kingdom Hearts once more by trapping the hearts he released in its depths - and if Kingdom Hearts reached completion, then who knows what kind of power Xemnas and the rest would gain. But then, Roxas was not alone....even his Other was helping to build the Kingdom whether he wanted to be or not. And besides, what could Roxas really do outside the Organization? Nothing. From within it, he could help do what he felt was right better than as yet another bystander with no access to what was really significant. But in the meantime....what was it costing him? What was it costing everyone?

But did Kairi think that he was making a mistake with his decision to remain with the Organization? Roxas frowned a bit, and he was glad that the girl could not see his face from her perspective. The thought of her thinking poorly of him bothered him more than he thought it would have, but it also got him to wondering if she was right. Perhaps the Organization had not been his best option, but at the same time, it had felt like his only option - it still felt that way. He had come back, been given a second chance, but he was right back where he started, albeit considerably more aware of his actions and their consequences than the first time around. But still...well, maybe Kairi had a right to think that he was making a dire mistake. What had happened to her once the Organization had captured her, anyway? Roxas shuddered to think - he knew just how merciless those without hearts could truly be, especially to those who possessed that heart that they so deeply desired.

Kairi's final words caused the keyblader's frown to deepen, but at the same time the hand that remained the small of her back held her a little closer. Emotions....someone to share his emotions with. Either she had forgotten who she was talking to, Roxas had simply overcome his 'Nobody-hood' in her eyes, or Kairi truly believed, like Axel seemed to have, that Roxas was capable of emotions, heart or not. The blonde hoped it was the last of those three options. After all, each day he became more and more certain that he could definitely feel emotions - especially after his experience in digital Twilight Town. He had to have been acting on SOMETHING, and during that time he had been unconscious of his physical predicament...

But Axel's words from so long ago rang in the back of his mind all the same. When a Nobody felt what they thought was an emotion, it was actually just them remembering what that emotion had felt like during their times before losing their hearts, and that memory was stirring feigned emotions within them. Could that be what Roxas always had? Nothing more than...Sora's memories of how things felt? No. That could not be it. Roxas refused to believe that everything he felt simply came because he could remember how Sora would have felt in the same situation. Roxas was far too determined to be more than just another copy of the keyblade master to entertain that thought.

"You're...you're not alone, Kairi," Roxas finally said softly, deciding against bringing up that internal battle he was having, or debating how he felt about the Organization versus how she did, or even asking her further about the 'mistake' business and how she felt about it. It was selfish of him to pile so much on the girl when she was clearly already overwhelmed and worn thin - she had been crying when he had found her, after all, and tears always had a reason behind them. Drowning...she had said she was drowning.

Could Roxas save her from that? Did he even have the right to try?

"You have a lot of other people to share those emotions with," Roxas then continued, those words sounding a bit flatter than perhaps he would have liked, but it was too late to change that now. For a moment, he wanted to add 'even if its not with me' to the end of that statement, but he bit his tongue to keep from saying it. He could not keep unloading like that on her - she hardly deserved it. In his eyes, Kairi did have a lot of other people to turn to - or at least, she had Sora. Roxas' shoulders rose and fell with a deep breath and heavy sigh at the thought. Eventually this was going to have to end, whether XIII wanted it to or not...and the thought left him with a cold feeling, and a strange emptiness within his stomach.

"You know, you're a lot different than Namine," the Key of Destiny suddenly added with a lighter tone, absently twirling a bit of the Princess of Heart's hair around one of his fingers as he spoke. It was a statement with deeper meaning that Roxas really had to say aloud. It was very true that the girl in his arms, and her blonde Nobody may have come from the same source in Kairi, but they were quite different - Roxas was learning that now. Although he could still feel similar feelings within him with Kairi that he had felt with Namine, they still were very different. And that meant he could be different from Sora, just the same.

That was a good feeling. Finally.

[kairi]

A content sigh escaped her lips, though her heart seemed to be beating just a bit too quickly.

Her heart was an idiot.

The Princess of Heart felt lighter, though. Perhaps not happy, but not sad anymore. It was a nice emotion to have, when all of her thoughts had been so dark and saddening. Kairi should be more cheerful and happy, but she was not sure if she had the heart to be what she could not be. Everyone wanted to see her as she usually was, but the Princess felt no urge to do so. Almost as if her own inner light was beginning to dim and fade. Doubts, fears, anger. All of these emotions were clouding her mind and her very nature seemed to be changing. Kairi hardly wanted this to happen, because she had no wish for her friends to worry about her. Then again, everyone seemed to be getting along just fine without her. It was an old bitterness she still held. Always left behind, the Princess stolen high in her tower, waiting to be rescued by the dashing Prince. Fairytales of that kind only angered her, and added more weight to her heavy heart.

Kairi felt that she needed saving, but how?

Those thoughts seemed to fade as Roxas slid his arms about her. Calming down nearly instantly, that same lightness seemed to engulf her slender frame once more. This was how Kairi wished to feel all the time, but she knew this could not last for too much longer. Still, she could enjoy the moment for what it was, and that this was the most happy she had been in a long while. The Princess almost wished to take off her shoes, to bury her toes in the sand, and to feel the ocean tide tickle her feet. Such simple pleasures in life could always be found in Destiny Islands, and perhaps that was why she loved it here so very much. Her true home, and where she felt the most safe. A smile curled about her lips, and she merely nuzzled her cheek closer to Roxas' shoulder, the scent of leather oddly comforting. She could almost sense the Keyblader's internal struggle, though. Perhaps he was thinking of her words?

"You know, I don't think of you any less for being with the Organization. You're doing what you think is best, and sometimes we can't always predict the consequences of our actions. Life is like that, though, and we just have to make the best of it sometimes, even if it feels like everything is crashing down," she murmured. Her words felt more like a confession, and she hoped sincerely that Roxas would not take her words the wrong way. Kairi hated to think that he would think any less of her, but sometimes she was not always good with what she wanted to say. Doing what was right was also very hard. Was this right? Kairi did not know, and she had no wish to know. His fingers sliding through her hair was comforting, and she let another content sigh escaped her lips. Warm, she felt that warmth sweep through her, and it was nice.

Kairi glanced up at Roxas, his words both comforting and a lie to her. Well, no, it was not a lie. The Princess felt alone in so many ways, but she was the one that brought that upon herself. Selfish and attention seeking were what many saw it as, but Kairi was not trying to be. She did need to stop thinking so much of the past, though, and those same bitter emotions that always seemed to linger within her. Nothing could be done to change the past, but the present and the future were always able to be changed. What really mattered was what was happening now, this moment. Kairi was happy right now, and she clung to that with all of her being. "You're Roxas, not Sora, or anyone else. You have your own emotions, and I really believe that."

As always, she seemed to know what others were feeling before they said anything.

"I know I do, but I'm sharing them with you right now. You have helped me so much right now, Roxas," Kairi replied lightly. Leaning back just a little, she peered up at the blond with a smile. This one reached her eyes, and maybe she did not have to feel so sad anymore. This was what she really needed. Just to feel a comfort and familiarity, and that she was not all by herself within these worlds. Like she belonged somewhere, and she felt like that in this moment. That was more than enough for now. Her head tilted slightly, hardly minding that Roxas was twirling a tendril of her hair about his finger. Different from Namine? A deeper meaning was there, and it seemed to cheer Roxas up, whatever it was. The Princess hardly knew of what to say, but she smiled lightly.

"Thank you." Such a simple phrase, but it was for everything that Roxas had done for her. Far more than anyone else had in a long while. Kairi merely tightened her grip about his shoulders, and she leaned her head beneath his chin. A smile was still on her lips, and she felt safe and comforted. Yes, a wonderful emotion to have. To finally feel after so very long.

[roxas]

Where had those words come from? He glanced downwards and sideways at the auburn-coloured head that was buried in his shoulder, and he considered what she had said. Without him even mentioning his ties to the Organization - although they were painfully obvious thanks to his outfit - she had brought up an almost approving, or at least understanding, statement about his connection. Somehow, her words were comforting to him, even though they were unexpected. It was almost as if Kairi had known exactly what he needed to hear, and there was no need for him to say anything first...and that was another comforting thought. Maybe it was possible for other people to finally understand him...only Xion had ever really been able to do that before, but she was a Nobody as well - she understood, because she lived the same problems. Kairi had problems of her own, but when it came to Roxas', she was an outsider, and yet...she seemed to 'get it.' Maybe others could understand.

Or maybe Kairi was just special. Somehow, that possibility did not make the thought any less meaningful for Roxas.

"Sometimes I wonder what I am doing - whether or not I'm really making the right decision," Roxas began in response to her words, his gaze never leaving that auburn coloured head of hair on his shoulder, his hands firmly returning to a comfortable spot on her waist, "But then, I think...I can make it work. Last time, things didn't go so well, so I'm doing it differently this time. And I...I guess I learned a lot. This time, I'm going to get what I want." The more he spoke, the more a determined edge had crept into his tone inadvertently, and even when he was done speaking he did not even realize the change had happened. They were words that were spoken with a mix between Sora's optimism in tough situations and Roxas' own determination to hold onto his own identity, onto himself, and onto the way he thought things should be - despite what anyone else might say.

XIII did become aware, however, that with his last sentence his grip on Kairi had tightened considerably, and he instantly relaxed his grip when he realized that. To get what he wanted....well, maybe he had meant that internally in more ways than simply what the words had originally meant. However, the last thing he wanted to do was scare the girl in his arms - she felt so small, even though he knew that she was far from weak. To make it this far, to go through what she had endured, there was no way she could be weak. And yet, in his arms like this, she seemed vulnerable...and he did not want to be just another Nobody that hurt her that she could add to her list. No, not Roxas....he couldn't let that happen. No matter what he wanted, no matter how selfish he felt about this, he knew the meeting would have to end soon.

It had to end before something went wrong, because Roxas had learned throughout his life that nothing ever stayed perfect for long. Eventually, everything would fall apart if one was happy long enough - that seemed to be the universe's cruel joke. But Roxas did not want to be the one that ruined it, not this time.

When she glanced up again, Roxas met her eyes with his own, holding her gaze unblinkingly. This time, he didn't look away, but rather stared into those eyes that looked coincidentally a lot like the ocean that was behind her, and he took a moment in the silence between them to notice how they seemed to sparkle in the setting sun. Her face really did bear a resemblance to Namine's, that was not something he could deny - and a striking resemblance to Xion's on top of that. Then, when she spoke, it was like she was anticipating his thoughts once more....yes, he was not like Sora. He was his own person - and thus, so was she, just as he had just said aloud only moments before. She might look like those two girls, just as he looked like Sora....but they were all their own people, their own existences, with their own stories.

But if Kairi was so different from Xion - her own person, her own entity, etcetera - then...was this really okay? Roxas realized for a moment that perhaps he had been justifying his feelings, his actions thus far, by considering Xion and Kairi's tie as stronger than he was giving them individual credit for, and....

No. Had he not just told himself he would not ruin this moment? He could deal with those consequences later, but for now, he was here, on the beach, and Kairi felt so right in his arms. And when she met his eyes once more, this time smiling, he felt those thoughts seem to melt away from his mind. "I'm just glad you're not crying any more," Roxas replied softly to her words, and with his words he raised one of his hands, awkwardly at first, but then softly brushed gloved fingers along her cheek where the tear stains still vaguely showed, wiping away any invisible tears that might still exist to prove his words true, before he offered her a weak smile back.

She thought he had emotions - another refreshing thought. Axel had always seemed to think that as well, though most claimed that they had to simply be Roxas' memories of his time as a Somebody that made him feign such powerful emotions, especially for a Nobody. But Roxas could not remember many details from Sora's past....really, the only foggy memories of Sora's that he could draw upon were those after the two had become one, before Roxas had come to exist on his own for a second time. He assumed that was because his Somebody was existing at the same time as him that he could not have those memories - after all, they had proved that a Sora without his memories was a rather useless Sora indeed. So then, what was Roxas' explanation for having rather obvious emotions at times? There really was not one that did not have a lot of holes in it.

After her soft words of thank you, Roxas was again unable to draw his eyes away from Kairi's face. His hand remained on her cheek, though his touch was still light, and his eyes flicked from her eyes, down her face to her lips, before he forced them back to her eyes. What was this...this feeling? He was certain he had felt it before, though not very many times, and each time it left him confused, but right now - it was strong. VERY strong. His breaths started to come a bit more quickly, and he had to swallow a lump as it formed in his throat. And then....

She laid her head back on his chest, tucked neatly under his chin, forcing Roxas' eyes, which were still staring at the spot her face had been, to instead focus on the horizon before him. He bit his bottom lip as his hand fell back to her face, blinking a few times - what had just happened? So many things in life still confused him, which frustrated the Nobody that was always so certain he had caught up to everyone else as far as worldly knowledge went, only to have the carpet ripped out from under him - figuratively speaking, of course. "I...don't think I can stay much longer," Roxas finally whispered, resting his chin on the top of her head, uncertain whether he was relieved, her disappointed, that she had looked away.

[OOC :: HAPPY BIRTHDAY~! Hope that was a good present, haha]

[kairi]

How happy and content she felt.

Kairi never wanted for this moment to end, and she wished she had the power to make time stand still. All of her emotions seemed to overwhelm her in an instant, and lines were beginning to blur. These feelings she had were so confusing and joyous, and Kairi wondered if they were real at all. She believed that they were, and she wished to hold onto something that was hers alone. This moment, these emotions, and how she felt were real. Her hold about Roxas tightened a fraction, and all she wanted was for this to continue. The Princess had not taken the time to really speak of her own inner turmoils, and to finally admit them had been rather alleviating for her, and to comfort Roxas as well. He seemed to be as lost as she was in some ways, and it was nice to be looked to for solace and some comfort. Kairi felt needed, and that she had made a difference in some way. Something she had needed to feel, because she always felt like she merely got in the way.

His words were determined, and the Princess could not help but believe him. Everything they had faced, everything they had lived through, that experience would help in the future. Maybe not to repeat past mistakes, and to help others when they needed to be helped. "I know you will. And maybe I will, too," she spoke just a little wistfully. To get what they both wanted. What did she want, though? Kairi peered up at Roxas through her lashes, but she quickly diverted her gaze, her cheeks burning. Perhaps it would not bode well to read too deeply into these sudden emotions. Ruining this moment was the last thing she wished to do, and to make Roxas feel confused pained her in a way that was odd as well. His grip about her had tightened, but Kairi hardly minded. If nothing else, it merely made her felt more safe and reassured. That maybe she was something he could hold onto, something that made sense, and someone he could lean on.

Looking up at Roxas, his eyes reminded her of the wide expanse of sky. So very blue and endless, filled with everything. Sky blue eyes that seemed to contain everything, from the stormy clouds of a rainy day, to the simple sunny days that stretched on forever. The very thought seemed to leave her breathless, and she felt her heart begin to quicken. Cheeks darkening to a pink, Kairi felt his hands brush lightly across her cheek. Oceanic orbs closed half way, and she exhaled shakily. How could she be crying in a moment like this? Her lips curled into a smile, and she leaned into his gentle touch. Her heart was beating so quickly, and those emotions threatened to overwhelm her very being. "Because you're here," she murmured softly. Everything felt so very perfect, and the thought of this ending nearly made her wish to cry again. The young Princess was at peace, though, and that was what mattered the most.

Kairi opened her eyes fully, trying to concentrate on her surroundings once more. The sound of the ocean waves washing in behind them, the feel of the breeze brushing against her warm cheeks, his gloved hand still lingering against said cheek. Her heart began to race once more, and those conflicting emotions began to come back. Was this fair to herself, and to Roxas? Was it right of her to feel this way? Was it wrong? Kairi did not want to believe that it was wrong to feel this way. She felt a guilt form within her, though, but she knew she was entitled to what she felt. Good and bad emotions, those these were not bad at all! Far from it! Maybe this could last for a little while longer, and maybe this did not have to end at all for her. Or for him. Kairi swallowed nervously, and she noticed how his gaze seemed to flicker to her lips briefly. Her eyes widened a fraction, and her own breath was quickening as much as his.

Was it too much?

Her head was was nestled back safely beneath his chin, resting against his chest. Kairi felt confusion at what had almost occurred--what had almost happened? She was unsure if she wanted to pursue that line of thought, and his next words stopped her thoughts altogether. Roxas could not stay? Her heart was beating quickly, and the Princess had to control herself from gripping him more tightly. Her emotions were controlling her, and maybe she was not thinking all that rationally, but she did not want Roxas to leave. Not now, and she did not want to be alone again. Whatever this meeting had meant, whether for better or worse, it had helped her in so many ways. "Don't go," she began quickly, her words muffled by his cloak. "Or, at least, I want to go with you. I want to help you, Roxas," Kairi finished. His chin was atop her head, and she did not want to pull away. She wanted so many things. To prove herself, to maybe pursue whatever this was, and to help Roxas along his path.

"I won't get in your way, I promise. I think I need this, to find my own path. What would it take for me to be like you?" Kairi asked. Her words sounded rather confusing, but she sincerely hoped he understood what she had meant. The Princess wanted to experience what he did, and to journey like Roxas got to. She knew it was not fun in the least, and that his own agenda was not on that was for someone like her. Kairi sincerely want to help Roxas with all of her heart, and she hoped he knew that.

[roxas]

She was not crying any longer....because of him? That was still something that Roxas was having a very hard time wrapping his mind around - how had he managed to be that much of a comfort to her? True, he had been able to comfort Xion in the past, and even Axel, but he knew them...he spent a lot of time around them, and knew how to make both of them feel better. He had learned over time the right things to say to his fellow Organization members. But Kairi? Technically, they had just met face-to-face for the first time just hat day, despite the connections that the two may have had to one another through Sora, Namine, and Xion. But still...as Roxas had told her earlier, Kairi was different from all of them. She was her own person - and yet, here she was saying that it was because of HIM that she was comforted.

Was she the one thus responsible for the growing feeling in the pit of his stomach then - a feeling that was somewhat new to him, unlike any that he could remember feeling before...or at least, not this strongly? Maybe she was...if he could be making her feel better without really trying that hard, perhaps it did make sense that she could be the one affecting him so strongly, perhaps without even realizing it. The idea was becoming more believable with each passing moment that the pair stayed intertwined on the beach, the Nobody's black cloak contrasting with the girl's pink outfit...and yet, for a moment, their extreme differences didn't matter. For a moment, the two simply existed. And Roxas relished the feeling that gave him.

However, as everything seemed fated to be, the moment could not last forever. Roxas was still uncertain as to what had almost happened between them a few moments earlier, but when she asked to come with him, he forced himself to slowly pull away from her. He regarded her at arm's length from him, his gloved hands resting on her shoulders that felt so small in his palms, and forced his deep blue eyes to meet hers once more. He could not simply stare at the sand forever...whatever had almost happened had happened, and he could not change that - he did not want to leave feeling nothing but shame or discomfort. "You...want to come with me?" XIII repeated the girl's words, uncertain if he had heard her correctly. He knew that her first words had been 'don't go,' but he knew if he addressed that...well, he really didn't know what to do about it was the truth. The second option was one that the Nobody found he still had words for.

"I...I can't take you back to the Organization, Kairi," Roxas then finally replied, his words spilling from his mouth rather quickly. Why was he having such a hard time telling her that? He knew that taking her back to the people that had kidnapped her before would only end badly - either she would be captured again, or she would be killed, and it would fall on Roxas. Besides, he was trying to stay as inconspicuous within the Organization as he could for the moment, and showing up with the Princess of Heart in tow with any reason other than because he kidnapped her would not help his cause. Blonde spikes shook a bit as the keyblader shook his head to emphasize his answer, even though he knew it was not one that she wanted to hear....and surprisingly, not one that he liked giving, either. Why did he have such a strong desire to...to rescue her or something? Did she really even need rescued? And who was he to even think about something so noble?

The blonde was pretty certain that the girl before him was going to be disappointed, and that was not what he wanted. "That doesn't mean that you're going to be alone again," he then continued before she had a chance to speak, to object to his first statement, though his voice was considerably lowered. He held her gaze the entire time he spoke, his own eyes unblinking, never turning away from her. "We'll see each other again...soon. Somehow. And you can help me, Kairi, I promise. And....and you can help yourself, too." He wasn't sure if that was the right thing to say, but it was all that he could manage. Was it possible for a Nobody to feel an emotional overload? Because Roxas was pretty certain that was what he found himself in the middle of.

Kairi's next request caused the Key of Destiny to blink, and then stumble over his own words and thoughts. He opened his mouth a few times to answer her only to find no words coming out, and finally he had to look away again for a moment. When he looked back up at the girl before him, he fleetingly brushed one of his hands along her cheek before pulling away from her entirely, turning to face sideways, away from her. "You don't want to be like me, Kairi," he then said softly, thumbing his hood back up over his head. "Its me who envies you. Just be yourself - be happy that you have your own identity. That's what I'm fighting the hardest for, so...I guess if you want to be like me at all, that's the best place to start."

Enough of Roxas' face was still visible beneath the shroud of his hood for the faint smile to be visible to the Princess when he glanced at her one last time. He was finding it difficult for him to leave, and yet he knew that he needed to. His time here on Destiny Islands was up, and to stay any longer would risk being caught, which would endanger not only himself...but Kairi, and he knew he could never forgive himself for that. With difficultly, the blonde lifted a gloved hand and summoned a dark portal. "Soon," the last word escaped his lips, directed at the girl, before he stepped heavily into the swirling darkness, leaving the beach behind him physically....but so far from mentally.

Roxas has left the thread.

[OOC :: We'll chat about what to do next with Kairi involving helping Roxas, okay? =] He did promise her, and he's not about to break that promise! Figure out a game plan, then plan our next move and thread and such...thanks for an amazing thread here, though. I think you really helped my Roxas develop well!]

[kairi]

Her form was tense, waiting for his refusal to her question.

Kairi would not blame Roxas if he denied her wishes, because she did view herself as more of a hindrance than a help. How much of a Princess did she sound? Asking to be whisked away from her home, and into a world of adventure and dangers. Her cheeks flamed with shame at the thought, and she glanced downward. Was she really so predictable? Biting her bottom lip, the Princess resolved herself for whatever answer Roxas gave her. She would respect whatever decision he made, even if it was one she loathed to hear. Slowly, she raised her head to peer up at him with wary oceanic eyes. Kairi was nervous, and she wondered if he would be able to sense it. He had pulled away from her, and she stared up at him as he regarded her. Had her request really been that odd? The Princess idly wondered if she should pass it off as a weak joke. As if that would work.

He seemed rather surprised.

A faint smile appeared upon her lips, and Kairi nodded. His answer to her brought forth a small bubble of hope. He had not said no, and Kairi knew that him bringing her to the World That Never Was was not an option. She nearly shuddered at the thought of being back within that world. There were only two members of the Organization she remotely trusted. Roxas was the obvious one, and then there was Axel. While it was true that he had kidnapped her, Kairi could not blame him. He had been trying to bring his friend back, and he had been truly repentant for his actions, at least that was what Sora had told her. Kairi knew that the Keyblade Master had been honest, so if she ever ran into Axel again, it would be without fear or caution--for the most part. "I understand, Roxas. I wouldn't want to go back there, either," she murmured quietly.

Alone?

Kairi smiled sadly. Did Roxas not realize she had been alone for so long? Her friends were gone, the ones she needed the most having left her behind. Riku could have been anywhere, and she had not seen Sora in so very long. Her heart beat painfully against her chest, and sometimes the Princess wished she could not feel at all. A contradiction, that was what she was. All of her words of encouragement to Roxas felt like a lie, because she could not believe them for herself. Kairi never turned away from his unwavering gaze, and she almost wished she could lose herself within his eyes. 'Please, save me from myself,' Kairi thought with anguish. The words were left unsaid, and the Princess could only believe that Roxas would keep his promise. His answer was enough, though, and she was thankful that had had promised what he could.

Soon, someday soon.

The tears began to blur her vision, and the Princess inhaled sharply. Blinking back the tears, she knew her request had baffled him. Even to herself, her words had been confusing. His fingers brushed against her cheek lightly. As Roxas stepped away from her completely, she had to stop herself from reaching out in protest. Her smile wavered, and Kairi looked away. What would Roxas say if he truly knew what her inner heart wished? Of these dark emotions filling her up? What would he say, then? Bitterness choked her, but she pushed it away. No, Kairi would not ruin this moment by being selfish. "I'll keep fighting, then." For what, she did not know. Roxas was leaving, and she could not stop him. The moment was over, the magic gone, and she was left as lonely and sad as before. Well, perhaps not. This meeting with Roxas had provided her with some hope that maybe he would come back for her in time.

Kairi caught the faint smile on his lips, and she managed to do the same. Soon, yes, soon. Her hands slowly clasped together, raising until the rested upon her chest. Her heart beat beneath her fingertips, and she knew everything would turn out alright. As her friend stepped into the darkness, Kairi let the tears escape, falling from her pale cheeks, and onto the sand under her feet. Forgotten and lost. "Soon."

[[Thread has ended.]]

[[OOC: I am so sad to see this thread end! I cannot wait for the next one, and this has helped me with my muse soooo much~! Thank you for the honor, Chocobo~! -giggles-]]